Fighting for Nothing.

"When I was younger, I wish that I would have known better.
Better love makes a fat romance, that lasts for more than a shoe shine.
I’m older, took all the words of my mother, saying,
It could be worse, could be born with that disease,
instead of catching it first.
So let’s go back, to the first time, that I met you,
in your Chevy, with your hands stretched, and me crying, screaming, “Mercy. Mercy.”
But I know that, I was put here, to fight Vikings,
in the cold war, with my arms out, in the front lines, singing, “Dare me. Dare me.”
But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear
’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing?
It feels like this world has been growing slowly upside down.
Maybe I should move to China, and straighten this mess out.
Maybe I’ll be a poet.
Watch all the sky for falling words.
And write about my grandma’s curtains,
or the lady who put the Chinese buffet in her purse.
I’ve got my mouth.
It’s a weapon. It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon. I’ve got my words.
I won’t give them mercy. Mercy. I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open, make you see
you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing."

-Meg & Dia.

Is it okay to feel again?
To be able to cry and pray for the better.
Am I getting better? Or just regressing.
Either way, they're both optimistic.
Once you've hit rock bottom, anything is.

Fuck it.

I just need an outlet; a haven.
I'm too lazy to write in a journal, and it seems I'm too busy for anything these days.
Besides the usual: sleep, school, homework, go on the computer.
jesus, get some motivation danbi.
i have so much to get off my chest, but i feel like i need to hold back.
my feelings have been suppressed for too long.... and honestly, i'd rather be over-emotional human being than be a fucking soul-less ghost roaming this planet.

i don't have any friends i could talk to.
my "BEST" friends always insulting me if i try to talk to them.
saying i complain about life, or i'm too pessimistic.
well, fucker(s), this is HOW I'M FEELING.
i can't help how i feel, and it's no good to hold my feelings inside, but i guess i have no other choice.
someone had said that a GOOD friend will always be there for you whether you're going through bad times or good times.
Not just the bad times. or just for the good times.
This is so true, and I TRY and TRY to be a good person and to be there for my friends, but it's so fucking hard when they don't acknowledge what i'm trying to do and don't return the favor.


fucking people these days.
i don't trust anyone these days.
i've been hurt so many times by people, while trying to be the best person i could be.
i'm constantly hurt by my "trusted" friends.
I'm sick of trying to be friends with anyone.
i guess you could call me anti-social.

My mother is a vain woman.

She is selfish, cruel, vain, and just a bitch.
I'm sick of her. I need an escape...
Trapped here by law, I'm hopeless. Only 4 more years....
My brother is one lucky son of a bitch, only one more year for him.

How am I going to have to deal with her for THREE fucking years by myself?
I'm hopeless...
I'd rather be homeless.

okay fuck

tumblr.
i mean it's awesome and all, but it's not a place where you can confide your feelings, cause honestly no one cares.
well, not like you guys care anyways, but i shall torture you all with my dismal thoughts and news(;

it's like my own personal journal.
no one has to be there to read it but myself.

i've been reading a lot lately... wellll, my definition of "a lot" is every night. maybe 30 pages at the bare minimum, but that's way better than this past school year where i would ignore reading and drown in my self-pity and depression.
i'm also hoping to advance my vocabulary.
i remember in elementary school where i would have a precocious vocabulary all because i played video games all the time. i felt so badass and smart.

ahhh, nostalgia.
now read very slowly, and don't skim ma shit!
listening to the fray especially gives into the atmosphere

i'm neither happy nor sad.
i'm kind of stuck in the middle.
as if i have no emotions at all...
as if god had decided to suck all the feelings and love out of me and
torture me by leaving my entity here on the world.
haha, i know i sound severely depressed, but i am not.
i just feel desolation.
i am lonely, yet not.
i have friends, i know this.
but which ones do i truly love and trust?
which ones could I actually call my "best" friend?

tim and tamara i truly love.
i felt sad after they left.
but we still get in fights.
i'm okay with that.
all relationships have their disputes.
as long as they're still in my life.

...yet.. i could treat them SO much better.
and my other friends too, but i don't have the willpower.
i'm sorry.
i really am.
if i ever mistreated you, just know i love you and that i'm not in the best shape right now.
emotionally, i mean.
it's like im recovering from having all the bullshit in my life happening.
i know this sounds dramatic and shit, but my feelings are FER REAAAAAL GURL.
i've been betrayed so many times, that i lost count. and i know many people have been way more betrayed than me and are coping just fine and moving on with their lives.
but i'm just a little more emotional.
can't help who i am , so deal with it :P
i was just the type that believes in trusting everyone and treating them nicely but everyone just gives shit back.
and i know you're probably thinking "no one asked you to do that"
but.
i
am
a
decent
human
being.


well.... i used to be.
i just need to get my personality back, and my feelings.
i have blocked out all feelings.
and i hope i recover, soon.

<3

so, i don't think anyone uses blogspot

anymore.
so i am officially moving onto tumblr (:
if you'd still like to read about my thoughts and just about my life, then go to zombiedanbi.tumblr.com

thanks guys, i love you <3

OH MAN.

I haven't been on in the longest time.
I'm sorry guys! I love youuu (:

I'm a different person from that person from two weeks ago.
I've forgotten the true purpose of MY life.
Now, that I've realized... I'm regretful that I didn't remember sooner.
I was cynical, envious, and hands-down just a fucking drag.
I'm done with being all these negative things. I just want the old, fun me.

I think I've got a tiny portion of what I want to portray.
I will not use alcohol, drugs, ciggerattes, or cutting as a source of joy.
Maybe occasionally, but nothing any too serious.
However, I don't make any promises.

I love you all.
<3

reality check

i've received a reality check; a wake-up call.

wow

it's been forever since ive posted.
and frankly, i'm okay with that.
why you ask?
because it means i've been busy.
too busy for depression or drama (:

right now, life couldnt get better...
ha, that's an exaggeration.
okay, i'm lying... life could get SO much better.
but then, life could get so much worse.
im content with what i have now...
and summer is going to be amazing.

im surrounded by outgoing friends... although they may not be the BEST of friends, it's better than nothing.
it's hard to find good friends anyways *cough cough*
i'm done with drama though, i'm not going to apologize for what i know i didn't do wrong.
it's better to forgive, and i won't hold a grudge.

life has been a rollercoaster, but i'd still like to get drunk...
makes me forget about all the shitty things in life (:
...but it's okay. i know how to control myself (sort of..).
like i've always said and known: drugs, alcohol, cutting are temporary pain reliefs.
what i didn't know... is how addicting they can be.

-Zombie

slutttttttt

i feel horrible.
like a fucking slutttttttttt.
intoxication is bad, kids.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH.

THE WORLD DOESN'T FUCKING REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

.

dad: i love you... when you study.








love you too, dad

done.

the world doesn't revolve around you.
im not talking about the fight edwardo, or the disneyland thing danielle.
i dont care about anything except for my own personal happiness.
if you're a backstabber, liar, fake, shit talker, 2-faced, flake
an overall terrible person with bad fucking morals,
then get away from me.
im done with them.
i dont want drama.
i can live without you.
and i'll find the friends i can look up to and count on.

peacee.

oh geezzzz.

im not depressed anymore.
but that doesn't mean i'm happy.

i do bad things.
it makes me feel alive.
i trust no one.
there's not one good person out there, i believe.
even the most innocent have their secrets,
their weaknesses, and they need to figure themselves out.
how about me?
of course, i do too.
but i know what's apart from good and bad.
morally, i mean.

why are people so fucked up?

wake me up when september ends.
and when the bullshit gradually ceases to exist.
:)

moving on.

DEATH
a good friend once said:
"when i die, i don't want people to remember my death and be sad.... instead, i want them to be happy that ive been in their lives and move on. i dont want people sad and crying because of me."
i was appalled at this statement.
it was simple, yet quite contradictory to the standard belief of death.
it was the most SELFLESS thing i've heard him say EVER.


why does death have to be sad?
why can't it be happy?
not happy as in the comical, "i enjoyed my best friend's death happy."
but more like a .... "I'm happy and glad that i had you in my life, and i will never forget you."

people these days seem to think that DEATH IS a SAD thing.
truth is: everyone dies.
it's not something i'm obviously proud of, but FUCK IT.
its the goddamn truth, and people seem to deny that.
and personally, i think it's somewhat selfish that people want others to be sad, depressed, and crying because of their death.
i'm not saying that i want people to be happy and jumping off the walls because i died, but more as a vague happy-sad reminiscing feeling.
i want people to think "she was a good friend, or she was special."

CUTTING
something that i've wanted to do for a long time
ive tried, yet i resisted.
cause i know what's good for me and what's bad for me.

"Death is easy, life is hard. Don't take the easy way out"

i've always looked up to this quote whenever i had suicidal thoughts.
and now im referring it to cutting.
cutting is a temporary relief.
like pain-killers.
drugs.
cigarettes.
alcohol.

things that you see on the show Intervention.
cutting is JUST as bad as the ones above.
it will get you NO WHERE IN LIFE.
and when you're older and wiser, you'll look at those ugly scars on your wrists and regret every little "relief" that you've had.
think about it LONG TERM.

.........................................
have fun with your journey to happiness, maddy.
and others that this could of applied to.
Good luck.

my obsession.

my love, my soulmate, my guilty pleasure, my obsession, my infatuation, my only best friend:






























ya jealous?

trust issues.

i feel like i cant trust anyone.
like everyone's against me.
well... mostly everyone.
i have issues.
with people.
friends.
"best" friends.

eff it all.
i feel as if people all hate me secretly.
its like i lost 2 best friends in a day.
tim and tamara.
i feel alone in school.
like no one understands.
when i have these days i just need a big hug.
instead of a bunch of questions.
i love sammy's hugs.

i'm as bitter as ever in my entire life.
i can snap so easily these days.
i get pissed off and depressed easily. (well, im on my period, lol.)
maybe mrs demore is right...
maybe im changing.
not in a good way.

i need some motivation.
some action.
something new.

until then, i'll keep my hopes up and live without any regrets.
♥

music and sorrows.

today was an overall nice day.
but at the end, i just want to blast music and pretend there's no world revolving under me.
I want to plug my headphones in and listen for hours until I can no longer keep my eyes open and ears unable to hear anything.

I feel sorrow.
for many reasons.
one of them being danielle's granddad passed away.
im sorry danielle.
none of my close relatives have passed away, so i cant relate to how you feel, but i just know is.
i'm sorry, and may he rest in peace.
he's in a way better place, with your grandma, and no longer suffering.
he most likely wouldn't of wanted you have been depressed and sad, but instead to go on with your life.

everyone dies, and it's unfortunate when a death occurs to a close one you know.
but one day we'll all be gone, and be into a better place, that's just how life is.
and for that, you must be happy because death is a beautiful process into where you're leaving this hell hole of a planet and into an heavenly afterlife.
and i hope you feel better
<3

fighting.

Redefining health.

On the physical level you are in perfect health when:

• All parts of your body glow with health
• You have almost boundless energy
• You sleep soundly, wake up easily and full of energy
• You are able to do and enjoy strenuous physical exercise
• You have an athletic and toned body
• You have strength to withstand the stresses of life without falling sick, that is, you are rarely or never sick

On the emotional level you are in perfect health when.

• You are happy for no reason
• You have a positive outlook on life
• You have a positive self-image and believe in your capabilities
• You are in control of your emotional state and can remain happy and peaceful no matter what happen

--------------------------------------------

Oh god, what's happened to me?
It seems like yesterday, I was in perfect health.
It's amazing how fast you can change in one year.

Anyways, wish me luck on my journey to "perfect health."

what is love? baby dont hurt me.

"Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love? "

^^^true words spoken like no other.

hypocrite.

i feel sick.
im a hypocrite.
i just tried it after all this shit i gave to danielle and maddy.
it's just so tempting though.

im sick of trying.
sick of trying to find a friend that understands how i feel.
sick of trying to please people.
sick of trying to please myself.
sick of grades.
sick of parents
sick of hormones
sick of puberty
sick of good-looking people
sick of people with amazing skin (jacinda)
sick of annoying people.
sick of braces
sick of being young
sick of growing up
sick of stupid quotes like "Live your life to the fullest." ...bitch, i'm trying.
sick of optimists
sick of beauty
sick of pictures
sick of fashion
sick of makeup
sick of ignorance
sick of cruelty.
sick of prejudice
sick of love
sick of friends
sick of people
sick of society
sick of life.

yet, im holding on like i've got something to look for.
i almost started crying at lunch.
i hate being sad.
why, oh why?

EDIT:
and why does it feel so good to pour my feelings onto a virtual website?
why dont i just pour it out to a friend?
are humans so not understanding that we rely on technology for emotional relief?

lalala update.

it's cold &&
im actually reading books.
im those types of people that prefer reading more than anything.
(even music?) ...possibly.
i havent ACTUALLY attempted to read in so long... now i feel slightly smarter.
im blasting music, but im not hyped.
bummer.
& my computer is a piece of shit that broke ):
so... i'm on my dad's laptop

i thought i had something to say but my mind went blank.
i just looked at the title and remembered what i was gonna talk about.
it's one of those days that you just want to get home, take a hot relaxing bath, and blast music while you read.

AODSIJOSADJSAODJAO. trying to think.
thinking... motion.... desandnate... hmmmm....

a thing that's bothering me lately is:
how people can act so happy around people but at home they're so depressed?
yeaaah this is mainly towards u maddy.
-------
EDIT:
I found the most amazing quote for you maddy :D

"Moving on from a relationship is like a metaphor. You can move to different houses, but it takes time. You need to pack your things before you leave. And when you get dumped, you might be asking why isn't he sad about this? Well honey, he's BEEN moving on! for WEEKS and now he just left with his stuff 95% in boxes. and because you weren't ready, it takes awhile for you to move. Because of that dipshit, you need to get ALL yo shit together and move them! It may take weeks, months, and even years, but just know.. it'll happen."
-Said from an experienced gay man
---------------
oh well.
blargahhgah this blog fails.
its gonna suck without my computer.
andd, i found another blogging website called tumblr.
i kinda like it better than blogspot, but i cant make one now since my COMPUTER BROKE.
and it'd take too much time anyways.

--------------

and then there's days when i feel like im never gonna be truly happy.
and the days where i cry at night because i feel like my chest is empty and my heart feels like it's tearing in two.
the same pain when i miss someone terribly.
but whose that someone?

-Zombie♥

the good and the bad

ever had that sinking feeling after you take a nap?

that's how i feel everyday.

but...

on some days, i just feel........

normal.

i hate when i'm depressed, but i can't help it.

it's either my brain or hormones, but it's hard to look at which.

i wasn't really depressed today but there are times when you have fun, or when you have that sinking feeling.

for example: today i felt pretty nice until lunch; that's when i had that sinking feeling again.

nick has been getting on my nerves lately.

lmaooo everyone's just like "NOW U THINK HES GAY?" or... "NOW U THINK HES ANNOYING?"

still, he's aight, i guess.

and some other days, i feel like going to highschool will save me from this hell hole.

and on other days, i feel like staying in jordan will prevent me from getting older, and having to take life and school a LOT more seriously.

my brother's been pressuring me to make good grades in high school, but i still want my freedom and time.

Ed asked me the question: why do you think we fall in love?

i honestly couldn't answer.

i was speechless.

then i gave a lame excuse:

"oh, well... it's like crying. you don't know why you do it, but you just DO."

here's my "deep answer:"

if there is a god, then he would of realized how fucked up this world is.

and therefore he created a thing.

a magical thing, we humans, like to call love.

he tried to balance the bad and good.

so therefore:

he created a strong intense emotion called love to balance the horrible, terrible shit that goes on in the world.

and it doesn't necessarily have to be about FALLING in love, but you could love your mom, dad, best friend, etc.

-Zombie

life's no fun.

i lied.

i'm not optimistic.

i'm not motivated.

i'm not happy.

i think of life the same just as in 7th grade, in luther.

i was depressed.

i had suicidal thoughts.

i was waiting to live my life.

i'm so bored of life.

i don't even have fun anymore.

i only have fun when I'm doing stupid, pointless shit.

like running around the neighborhood at night.

like baking cookies.

like hanging with crazy, obnoxious people.

i'm always tired.

i use sleep as an excuse to get away from reality.

i like dreaming, although 90 percent of the time i can't remember what i dreamt about.

i'm sucking the air from earth as earth sucks the life from me.

i am rotting.

the only thing i'm looking up to right now is high school.

where atleast i can see ed.

where we can be rotting together.

Mask Phase 2.15.10

I think everyone has gone through a phase.

I know I have.

----------------------------

In 5th grade: I had a phase where I thought black guys were the sexiest men in the world.

6th grade: When I found out I was bi and wanted to tell EVERYONE.

7th grade: Bipolar phase; In luther, I was very depressed. In Jordan, I was very optimistic.

Right now? I think I'm going through what I'd like to call the 'Mask Phase.'

This is when you mask your depression with optimism.

You try to convince yourself that you're optimistic when you're really not.

I'm currently fading out of the phase and now transitioning to the optimistic phase.

-----------------------------

What is my favorite phase?

It's one that I didn't include up there. Just to make things more exciting (;

My Ignorant Phase.

I've been in this phase since I was born into 5th grade.

Of course, I wasn't stupid or anything.

But it was more like ignoring the depressing things of the world and replacing them with small happy things.

Once you acknowledge the horrors and cruelty of the world, it's inevitable to be depressed.

I believe knowing less = more happiness.

So what do YOU guys think?

Is Ignorance really bliss?

----

From now on, I'm gonna post a piece of lyrics that either fits my mood or the blog (:

"The weak are the liars, the strong think too much
I am too cynical to say I don't give a fuck

I need money
I need clothes
I need women
I need blow

Something is very fucking wrong

Resting your head on your best friend's sister's shoulder
Your mother's job is to fuck all your neighbors
Bodies thrusting to the beat of our shame

.....

Loyalty
Honesty
Trust
Respect
Humility
Sincerity

We are all so full of fucking shit
We are all so full of fucking shit"

"People You Know" - Dance Gavin Dance

Optimism

Hey guys...

it's 12:27, so it's officially Valentines day!

Happy V-day, readers(:

I feel really optimistic and happy... which is new.

I haven't felt this way in MONTHS.

I'm actually listening to nevershoutnever! andd Stephan Jerzak (thanks to jacinda)

That's kinda depressing. I hope Valentines day will be amazing... Or i dont know if I'll still feel optimistic.

I'm talking to a friend that moved to Korea... I really miss her :(

It's amazing while I spend hours sleeping, people on the other side of world are just waking up and starting their day.

I'm starting to spend more time with jacinda.. which is nice, i guess.

She's changed a bit. Less of a bitch, aha.

Just saying whatever comes to mind.

I don't feel like being very profound right now.

Im in an optimistic mood, but I'm dreading tomorrow.

What if it goes terribly wrong and ruins this feeling?

Ahhh, I'll see..

The suspense is killing me!

Mental Disorder?

xhappybunnii:
'i don't want to date a stupid guy.'
GetReadytoFire:
'and i dont want to date a stupid girl'
xhappybunnii:
'it's such a turn off'
'like i want to have an intellectual conversation'
'i LOVE intellectual convos'
GetReadytoFire:
'Baby.... whats 23423425 x 258897.345.3?'
'its 4398578475384345.234'
'u make me whorny'

What kind of a conversation is this??!

MY conversation.

Sleep helps me so much.

I take a nap atleast everyday because I feel like I just build up feelings inside of me.

Once I sleep, I let all that frustrations and emotions out.

It REALLY is refreshing.

I feel like I think about things too much.

And that I'm depressed like almost every day.

Except for the weekend (;

But yeah... I really wouldn't be surprised if I was medically depressed.

or if I was bipolar.

Sad, isn't it?

--------------------------

EDIT:

So I forgot to mention that I talked to nick!

For the first time since we broke up...

Here's how it went.

-I turn around and almost bump into Nick-

N: hey

D: oh, hey..

N: i haven't seen you in... forever!

D: haha, i know... like a week or two

N: more like four...

D: *i notice him smiling a lot* umm so hows your family?

N: *smile disappears* the same.

*N then walks away*

Lol. Sensitive topic.

*writes in mental notes: don't mention family.*

-Zombie.

My Brain is Spewing Thoughts 2.9.10

Do you ever sit on bed, listen to some decent sorrowful music?

With no option, you just begin to ponder.

You can't do this in front of a computer screen.

In front of a computer screen, you just type the things that are on top of your head, but you never think. (This blog is copied from my journal.)

I know, you're thinking "Uh oh, not another depressing blog!"

Well I'm sorry that I'm depressing. You can go ahead and click the X button on the top right.

To Maddy:

I don't really know why I like you (no offense)

In fact, I wonder if it's because I actually like you or I just care about you a lot as a bff?

I think about it almost everyday. Whenever I do, I think about your dark side. When I first met you, I disliked you because you were the typical girly type which I absolutely despised. Then, I got to know you.

You ARE different.

You ARE unique.

Whenever I look in your eyes, I see the pain you hide.

The real you.

Haha, I'm so cheesy.

And I do believe you can change and stop getting the majority of people to stop judging you. It's all about willpower. If I can do it, so can you.

Why am I writing this block of text?

I honestly... have no idea. I'm just letting my feelings out, don't judge. (:

I'm not obsessed with you or anything. Haha, that would be awkward. I like to be honest and try to help people by telling my thoughts of them. Encourage them.

I have my own corrupt life to worry about. But those with corrupt lives interest me, and I just feel like there's a connection.

Maybe, that's just me.

And I probably emberassed myself, and I'll try to avoid you for awhile if ya want.

----------------------------------------------

The past few months, I've been building a shell around me that makes me get duller day by day.

I am no longer motivated to live my life to it's potential.

And I hate being the one that care about others than myself.

It kills me. I honestly would kill myself if I had to to save a bff's life.

Tamara, Tim, Ed, Maddy, Danielle.

And I feel like I'm alone in Jordan Middle School. Like no one understands me.

But of course, there's SOME people that understand 100% like Ed<3

I truly do love you, bestest friend.

You are probably the only reason why I still bother to get up in the morning.

Blah Blah Blah 2

Well, I just told Maddy I kinda like her..

She rejected me, of course :D

It kind of stung, but I'll get over it... like always.

But I feel awkward now.

Like... not really sure.

I usually don't tell people when I like them, but she kind of forced me into it.

Especially over text, that's horrible..

Meh, awkwarddd?

Anyways, I'm in love with Coldplay now :]

Valentines day is gonna suck haha...

Even when I was with nick, I told him that Valentines Day is gonna suck.

Not for me, but for the others that couldn't find the thought of love that day.

2/7/10 Blah Blah Blah

Yesterday, Jacinda and Meagan slept over.

It was pretty fun, we hung out with Jona at like 11, which was pretty badass...

I felt bad for him though since he had to walk home all alone :/

Anyways, I don't feel like blogging, I'll tell you guys later.

Dear John 2/5/10

Dear John,

I really liked the movie. Although I was late and missed the beginning, I would recommend it. I hope that you are doing well.

Sincerely, Zombie.

hahhh, no.

my REAL thoughts: the movie was okay, the ending sucked.

not worth my money....

ALTHOUGH, I did tear up about 2 times... the storyline is kinda predictable :/

I wanted to watch avatar! But I sadly couldn't...

AND we forgot to go to Ikea and play hide n go seek! ):

Oh well, it was still an enjoyable experience.

____________________________________________________

Depressing thought:

When you like someone, but someone else likes them. What do you do?

____________________________________________________

Ugh, trying to get over someone is hard...

I'm scared of being in a relationship where that person is not over their ex.

or whomever, they were in love with.

Getting over someone takes time and discipline, but some are not willing to take that time and discipline.

That makes me depressed.

-Zombie

2/4/10 Tolerance

Museum of tolerance?

Most depressing (yet boring) thing ever.

Like really.... everyone almost cried.

Well, not really, just the sensitive people.

COUGH COUGH.

shietttt, me? sensitive? noooo!

YES!

It's quite sad, really.

Anyways, I'm done being a depressing sack of poo. It's time to move on!

Live Life, per say?

I'm gonna try to be optimistic... haha, which is gonna fail, yea?

BUTTT, i'll still keep you guys updated with my depressing thoughts :D

just for the ones that feed onto these things.

Depressing thought:

What do you do when you love someone that is not for you? And you can't seem to move on. No matter how hard you try.

-Zombie.

2/2/10 Simplicity.

The simple truth. Inspired from a friend --like her, 11 facts.

1. I tend to push others away, when they try to get too close. Of course, there are some exceptions.

2. I hate the word 'Love,' it doesn't mean shit to me now.

3. Music > Best friends > "Family" > Friends

4. I overthink too much. Don't worry, I'm trying to stop.

5. I cry easily.

6. I have self-esteem issues, which is why I hate taking pictures and looking in mirrors. Why? I don't know.

7. I love to try to help people, but usually they don't listen.

8. I hate liars.

9. I'm usually not stubborn, but if I believe something strongly, I WILL disagree.

10. I am very forgiving.

11. If I don't think you'll be important in my life, then prove me wrong cause I won't.

1/28/10 Personality.

You know what I've realized?
Some people... just have a certain personality.
Either bad or good, those people might feel like their personality is not TRULY them.
They either want to change, or they ignore themselves.

It's amazing how a person's own personality affects their way of thinking. Some DO realize they want to change their personality, but do not have the motivation or guts to change it.
For the people with this problem: I say just go for it.
You have nothing to lose, and even if you were good and turned bad.... well, that's just who you are now, and what YOU're comfortable being.
It's not other people to judge you, it's yourself.
You have to ask yourself: Is this really worth it?

-Zombie

1/24/10 Deep thought?

I know, it's truly not 1/24, but it was a thought I had yesterday.
I was cleaning up the park with Joany, Melanie, Melissa, and Algrae. And it was truly a fun time... and YOU know MEE.
I just ponder about life and get depressed as alwayss

But as I was laughing at the randomness of Joany; I thought "Will I remember this day in 5 years?"
Even on important days, you can forget about it in a couple of years. It is those happy days I spend with my friends that matter right? The why does our brain neglect it and leave it in the abyss? Oh and do you ever remember something happened and wonder if the other person in the memory ever thinks about it?
Just a long thought...

-Zombie

Things are looking up 1/21/10

HEYYY GUYSSS.
It's been like 2 weeks since I've updated....
and let me tell you: DRAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAA.

1. My self esteem is likeee in a deep, dark pit that will suck you in and devour you.
2. My best friend and I got in a huge fight.
3.I have like NO motivation, whatsoever.
4. My parents are BETCHES.
AND some others...
But things are looking up for oncee.

My self-esteem hasn't gone up much, but maddy and i are friends again :D
which makes me a bit happier.
hehe, the rain<3
i adore the rain.
although, i don't adore the coldness and wetness too much. it's still nice.

But yeah, things are looking up.... for now..

-Zombie

Good day. 1/12

Ahhhhhhhh, finally a decent day!!!
:D !!!

Umm, i won't tell you guys why though :)
I'll leave that as a mystery.
Recently, my parents put a password on my computer which is why I havent been blogging lately.
SOOOO, I think Im quitting maple? for a while atleast...

OHHH & Im kinda over nick... I mean.. our encounters are no longer awkward, but we actually AVOID our encounters.
It's pretty discouraging.
But it's okay :].

-Zombie

Break-up 1/6/10

Sighhhh.
Nothing good seems to happen to me :/
Unfortunately, Nick broke up with me today!

&& of course, i was hurt and confused.
and angry too, haha.
He gave me a general explanation "family issues"
and my first thought is BS.

So I don't know... a friend told me that it actually is because of his family, and I feel bad now.
I don't know what to do.
DRAMA

-Zombie.

School 1/4/10!

OMGOMG.
So.... today was the beginning of school.
Ummm, it wasn't really special... I guess?
A few friends gave me belated birthday presents<3
YUSSSSSS! LOOOL, my friend gave me a shirt with sparkles on it.
At first, I thought it was Twilight-related but it wasn't, so I was like EFF THIS.

I'm super glad we only have a few months until school's over.
I WANT TO GET OUTTA MY SCHOOL.
My grade is full of hoes or manwhores.
Well.... so is the grade under me but SHHHH.
I tolerate them better? I guess, haha
IkIk. IM WEIRD, STFU.

-Zombie.

Birthday 1/3/10

Hey guys.
Yesterday was one of the funnest nights of the year (HARHAR)
GET IT? CAUSE ITS ONLY BEEN 3 DAYS....
....ANYWAYS... I'll tell you about it, if you're interested.
(I won't go into details because it'll bore you and me)

Maddy and Kimi came over around 4, and we just chilled until 5-ish when Tamara and Tim came over.
Then we played hide-n-go seek, which failed...
Maddy had to go and we chilled until around 6 AM.
HAHAH, the funny part: we woke up at 2 pm
Ikr. failllll~

Anyways, today is my bday and I'm happy :)
-Zombie.

My day 1/1/10

Ahh, the satisfaction it gives me to write the year as /10.

The first day of 10, and it was pretty amazing, haha.
I was inspired to make a blog cause of a friend o-o
I randomly stumbled upon his blog and thought it would be interesting to put up (daily?) blogs.

ANYWAYSSSS.
On with my day!
Yesterday I went to bed around 4 am. which caused me to wake up at 1 pm.
IknowIknow. I WAKE UP HELLA LATE.
whatever, gosh, its MY sleeping schedule :[

I skyped with tim and watched him play SIMS 3 LOL. (we're both such nerds.)
Then my brother forced me to go to the beach with my rents and his gf.
It was ..... pretty fun, I'll have to admit. I thought it was gonna be SO boring.
I just got back...

Here's my first convo being back:

Caleb says:
Why play maple?
amigo, saranghae says:
idk
I dont play it as much anymore.
Caleb says:
You got a life?!
amigo, saranghae says:
yes
;]
Caleb says:
A BF?
amigo, saranghae says:
Lol duh
Caleb says:

:O !

amigo, saranghae says:
its been a month already
^^;
and
i made out with him yesterday
xD
first time making out
Caleb says:
Kinky shit makes them stick to you like glue.
Know that.
If a teenage boy says he's in love, that just means he's getting really kinky sex.
amigo, saranghae says:
lmfao
he always tells me he loves me.
what does that mean
D:
Caleb says:
That he wants kinky shit.