music and sorrows.

today was an overall nice day.
but at the end, i just want to blast music and pretend there's no world revolving under me.
I want to plug my headphones in and listen for hours until I can no longer keep my eyes open and ears unable to hear anything.

I feel sorrow.
for many reasons.
one of them being danielle's granddad passed away.
im sorry danielle.
none of my close relatives have passed away, so i cant relate to how you feel, but i just know is.
i'm sorry, and may he rest in peace.
he's in a way better place, with your grandma, and no longer suffering.
he most likely wouldn't of wanted you have been depressed and sad, but instead to go on with your life.

everyone dies, and it's unfortunate when a death occurs to a close one you know.
but one day we'll all be gone, and be into a better place, that's just how life is.
and for that, you must be happy because death is a beautiful process into where you're leaving this hell hole of a planet and into an heavenly afterlife.
and i hope you feel better
<3

fighting.

Redefining health.

On the physical level you are in perfect health when:

• All parts of your body glow with health
• You have almost boundless energy
• You sleep soundly, wake up easily and full of energy
• You are able to do and enjoy strenuous physical exercise
• You have an athletic and toned body
• You have strength to withstand the stresses of life without falling sick, that is, you are rarely or never sick

On the emotional level you are in perfect health when.

• You are happy for no reason
• You have a positive outlook on life
• You have a positive self-image and believe in your capabilities
• You are in control of your emotional state and can remain happy and peaceful no matter what happen

--------------------------------------------

Oh god, what's happened to me?
It seems like yesterday, I was in perfect health.
It's amazing how fast you can change in one year.

Anyways, wish me luck on my journey to "perfect health."

what is love? baby dont hurt me.

"Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love? "

^^^true words spoken like no other.

hypocrite.

i feel sick.
im a hypocrite.
i just tried it after all this shit i gave to danielle and maddy.
it's just so tempting though.

im sick of trying.
sick of trying to find a friend that understands how i feel.
sick of trying to please people.
sick of trying to please myself.
sick of grades.
sick of parents
sick of hormones
sick of puberty
sick of good-looking people
sick of people with amazing skin (jacinda)
sick of annoying people.
sick of braces
sick of being young
sick of growing up
sick of stupid quotes like "Live your life to the fullest." ...bitch, i'm trying.
sick of optimists
sick of beauty
sick of pictures
sick of fashion
sick of makeup
sick of ignorance
sick of cruelty.
sick of prejudice
sick of love
sick of friends
sick of people
sick of society
sick of life.

yet, im holding on like i've got something to look for.
i almost started crying at lunch.
i hate being sad.
why, oh why?

EDIT:
and why does it feel so good to pour my feelings onto a virtual website?
why dont i just pour it out to a friend?
are humans so not understanding that we rely on technology for emotional relief?

lalala update.

it's cold &&
im actually reading books.
im those types of people that prefer reading more than anything.
(even music?) ...possibly.
i havent ACTUALLY attempted to read in so long... now i feel slightly smarter.
im blasting music, but im not hyped.
bummer.
& my computer is a piece of shit that broke ):
so... i'm on my dad's laptop

i thought i had something to say but my mind went blank.
i just looked at the title and remembered what i was gonna talk about.
it's one of those days that you just want to get home, take a hot relaxing bath, and blast music while you read.

AODSIJOSADJSAODJAO. trying to think.
thinking... motion.... desandnate... hmmmm....

a thing that's bothering me lately is:
how people can act so happy around people but at home they're so depressed?
yeaaah this is mainly towards u maddy.
-------
EDIT:
I found the most amazing quote for you maddy :D

"Moving on from a relationship is like a metaphor. You can move to different houses, but it takes time. You need to pack your things before you leave. And when you get dumped, you might be asking why isn't he sad about this? Well honey, he's BEEN moving on! for WEEKS and now he just left with his stuff 95% in boxes. and because you weren't ready, it takes awhile for you to move. Because of that dipshit, you need to get ALL yo shit together and move them! It may take weeks, months, and even years, but just know.. it'll happen."
-Said from an experienced gay man
---------------
oh well.
blargahhgah this blog fails.
its gonna suck without my computer.
andd, i found another blogging website called tumblr.
i kinda like it better than blogspot, but i cant make one now since my COMPUTER BROKE.
and it'd take too much time anyways.

--------------

and then there's days when i feel like im never gonna be truly happy.
and the days where i cry at night because i feel like my chest is empty and my heart feels like it's tearing in two.
the same pain when i miss someone terribly.
but whose that someone?

-Zombie♥