okay fuck

tumblr.
i mean it's awesome and all, but it's not a place where you can confide your feelings, cause honestly no one cares.
well, not like you guys care anyways, but i shall torture you all with my dismal thoughts and news(;

it's like my own personal journal.
no one has to be there to read it but myself.

i've been reading a lot lately... wellll, my definition of "a lot" is every night. maybe 30 pages at the bare minimum, but that's way better than this past school year where i would ignore reading and drown in my self-pity and depression.
i'm also hoping to advance my vocabulary.
i remember in elementary school where i would have a precocious vocabulary all because i played video games all the time. i felt so badass and smart.

ahhh, nostalgia.
now read very slowly, and don't skim ma shit!
listening to the fray especially gives into the atmosphere

i'm neither happy nor sad.
i'm kind of stuck in the middle.
as if i have no emotions at all...
as if god had decided to suck all the feelings and love out of me and
torture me by leaving my entity here on the world.
haha, i know i sound severely depressed, but i am not.
i just feel desolation.
i am lonely, yet not.
i have friends, i know this.
but which ones do i truly love and trust?
which ones could I actually call my "best" friend?

tim and tamara i truly love.
i felt sad after they left.
but we still get in fights.
i'm okay with that.
all relationships have their disputes.
as long as they're still in my life.

...yet.. i could treat them SO much better.
and my other friends too, but i don't have the willpower.
i'm sorry.
i really am.
if i ever mistreated you, just know i love you and that i'm not in the best shape right now.
emotionally, i mean.
it's like im recovering from having all the bullshit in my life happening.
i know this sounds dramatic and shit, but my feelings are FER REAAAAAL GURL.
i've been betrayed so many times, that i lost count. and i know many people have been way more betrayed than me and are coping just fine and moving on with their lives.
but i'm just a little more emotional.
can't help who i am , so deal with it :P
i was just the type that believes in trusting everyone and treating them nicely but everyone just gives shit back.
and i know you're probably thinking "no one asked you to do that"
but.
i
am
a
decent
human
being.


well.... i used to be.
i just need to get my personality back, and my feelings.
i have blocked out all feelings.
and i hope i recover, soon.

<3

so, i don't think anyone uses blogspot

anymore.
so i am officially moving onto tumblr (:
if you'd still like to read about my thoughts and just about my life, then go to zombiedanbi.tumblr.com

thanks guys, i love you <3