My music.

Lately, I've been losing my appreciation to music.
The only reason to this is because of the past the songs in my iTunes library withholds. It's insane to think that it's been two years and I still hear the same songs....
These songs withdraw some kind of emotion from me.
And I reckon it's time to move on.
I am done.
I am deleting 90% of the songs I used to listen to.

Moving on.... what a funny concept.

I feel so lonely.

I hope you know that you're my reason to my bitterness.
The reason why I can no longer trust anyone.
It pains me to keep quiet about it.

Why can't I just cry?
I've realized that I can only cry when I witness someone else crying....
Psychologically, I think that means that I'm too chicken to cry for myself... but as soon as another person cries, I get right to work because I don't feel weak.
Bleh.......

Having a Life.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to talk about in the post.... But I felt the need to blog anyways.

I'll start off with what I've been doing for the past 12 hours. I've officially finished season 2 of True Blood. We needed to hold 2 days of a True Blood marathon, but yup, we did it. I make it sound pretty lame, but it was fun.
I'm at Tamara's house right now, and I don't feel any emotional distraught at the moment. Which is a good thing. I reallly want a Macbook. Haha.

I've realized that I'm happy either when I'm outta the house or hanging out with a friend.
Maybe that's a sign to get a life... or my house emits a negative force in me when I'm not alone.
I don't know, I'm weird....

The Past

I haven't written in such a long time.
While I read my old posts, I can't help but get teary-eyed.
I have nowhere to go for emotional relief. I don't like to talk to other people about my problems because I'm scared they'll either judge me or not understand.
I wish I could cry.... I never cry these days.
Only an occasional tear if I encounter something truly deplorable and painful.

I know I've said this many times before, but I feel like a soul-less body just taking up space and air.
I find solace only in trying to explain to someone my problems, but no one understands.
It sucks to have no one understand you.
It makes you feel so lonely....
Maybe I was born to end up a lonely and desolate person.
I don't even know.

I just dwell on the past so much. The past was where I was actually happy.
It's hard not to remember times where you were happy.... But I try to fake and mimic things I did in the past... I am desperate for happiness.

Very desperate.