Fighting for Nothing.

"When I was younger, I wish that I would have known better.
Better love makes a fat romance, that lasts for more than a shoe shine.
I’m older, took all the words of my mother, saying,
It could be worse, could be born with that disease,
instead of catching it first.
So let’s go back, to the first time, that I met you,
in your Chevy, with your hands stretched, and me crying, screaming, “Mercy. Mercy.”
But I know that, I was put here, to fight Vikings,
in the cold war, with my arms out, in the front lines, singing, “Dare me. Dare me.”
But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear
’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing?
It feels like this world has been growing slowly upside down.
Maybe I should move to China, and straighten this mess out.
Maybe I’ll be a poet.
Watch all the sky for falling words.
And write about my grandma’s curtains,
or the lady who put the Chinese buffet in her purse.
I’ve got my mouth.
It’s a weapon. It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon. I’ve got my words.
I won’t give them mercy. Mercy. I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open, make you see
you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing."

-Meg & Dia.

Is it okay to feel again?
To be able to cry and pray for the better.
Am I getting better? Or just regressing.
Either way, they're both optimistic.
Once you've hit rock bottom, anything is.

Fuck it.

I just need an outlet; a haven.
I'm too lazy to write in a journal, and it seems I'm too busy for anything these days.
Besides the usual: sleep, school, homework, go on the computer.
jesus, get some motivation danbi.
i have so much to get off my chest, but i feel like i need to hold back.
my feelings have been suppressed for too long.... and honestly, i'd rather be over-emotional human being than be a fucking soul-less ghost roaming this planet.

i don't have any friends i could talk to.
my "BEST" friends always insulting me if i try to talk to them.
saying i complain about life, or i'm too pessimistic.
well, fucker(s), this is HOW I'M FEELING.
i can't help how i feel, and it's no good to hold my feelings inside, but i guess i have no other choice.
someone had said that a GOOD friend will always be there for you whether you're going through bad times or good times.
Not just the bad times. or just for the good times.
This is so true, and I TRY and TRY to be a good person and to be there for my friends, but it's so fucking hard when they don't acknowledge what i'm trying to do and don't return the favor.


fucking people these days.
i don't trust anyone these days.
i've been hurt so many times by people, while trying to be the best person i could be.
i'm constantly hurt by my "trusted" friends.
I'm sick of trying to be friends with anyone.
i guess you could call me anti-social.